Reading Hosea-By His help


When I open my Bible to read Hosea there are days where I pray God touches my heart. That he speaks life into me through his Word. In fact, that was yesterday when I read chapter 11. I even blogged about it. Today I opened my Bible in an attempt to just read it. Get through it, and be obedient to the task I’ve given myself. Tonight I read chapter 12. Again there was nothing that really struck me, but when I get on here to write it out it begins to reveal itself to me. I begin to see it as I didn’t see it before. This is my Bible Study. This is how I hash it out.

“So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice and wait continually for your God” Hosea 12:6

Love and Justice.

I love reading what She Reads Truth has to say about the assigned reading for that day. It helps focus me. Helps me see what God is trying to say. This is the verse that is focused on. It breaks it down, but I really focused in on the love and justice part.

This is what She Reads Truth had to say:
“Hold fast to love and justice. We should walk as image-bearers in all things, trying to be like our Father. If He lives in holy justice and love, so should we. We can praise Him for both the ways He is just and fair beyond fair, while walking in the great love He poured out by sending His son to pay the just penalty we owed.”

We should be image-bearers! We should be Christ-like. Half the time I’m thinking well the only one who could do that is Christ Himself. I fail miserably day after day after day. I mean really I do. There is a constant thought process going on in my head. Ok so we’re supposed to be like Christ. We are supposed to love. Christ IS love. So daily I strive to be loving. Whew! I kinda suck at it I think. Like I really suck at it some days. Maybe I’m confusing patience with love. But it’s a part of it. Like today I woke up with great intentions. Today was going to be a GREAT day! I have been battling a cold straight from H. E. Double hockey sticks & it has brought me down. I feel miserable, but as a stay-at-home-mommy there is no such thing as sick time so I had to do what I do. Slowly as the day progressed I began to slowly lose my grip on love and patience and slip into crabby, tired, sick, frustrated mommy. Each time that happened I seriously was thinking “WWJD”!??!? Corny, right? But true. I mean how would Jesus handle this day? With Love? That’s what I hear. That’s what I’m told. Then I’m like ok I can do this I can handle this. I. GOT. This. Then my 16 month old has a meltdown because I didn’t give her a “Ba” (banana) & I’m thinking, ‘You know what He was Jesus for a reason. I’m Audra. I don’t roll like that”

We are supposed to be Christ-like. We are supposed to maintain LOVE and JUSTICE. Sometimes I don’t know how to balance that. After reading She Reads Truth I thought I would see what the study portion of my Bible had to say about the verse:

“The two principles that Hosea call his nation to live by, love and justice, are at the very foundation of God’s character. They are essential to His followers, but they are not easy to keep in balance. Some people are loving to the point that they excuse wrongdoing. Others are just to the extent that they forget love. Love without justice, because it is not at aiming at a higher standard, leaves people in their sins. Justice without love, because it has no heart, drives people away from God. To specialize in one at the expense of the other is to distort our witness. Today’s church, just like Hosea’s nation, must live by both principles.”

I would say that I lean towards more Justice. I wouldn’t say without love, but Justice tips the scales for me. I’m more you made the choice now deal with the consequences kind of person. I know that I’m this way, but it really hit home when I was eating lunch with a co-worker a few years back. He said, “Audra, you’re a brass tacks kind of girl”. I wasn’t even sure what to think when he said it. He said that I just say how it is and that’s it. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I’m still trying to figure it out. However, that day I started to realize a little more that perhaps I could love more than be “just”. The hard part is knowing when to be or do both.

Even in the small things. It’s learning to be loving when disciplining my son. Which is hard sometimes. For me and for him. It’s dealing with justice, but loving him through it. I struggle more with adults or teenagers when it comes to love. I wield my justice sword a lot rather than throwing a little love in there. It’s a balance. A dance. I need to learn the steps.

The best part is the beginning of the verse:
“So you, by the HELP of your God………….

With he help from God. It means I lean on Him daily. I need to lean on Him daily. That He is always there and I can learn the balance, the dance, with Help from Him.

Reading Hosea – We return but He comes to us


Usually after reading Hosea for the day I can’t stop my fingers from flying across the keyboard, but tonight is different somehow.

Twos verses stood out to me:
Hosea 6:4 “What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah?
Your love is like the morning mist,
Like the early dew that disappears.”

The last 2 lines of the verse are what struck me. Their loyalness and faithfulness only lasted as long as the dew lasts in the morning before it evaporates. I could only relate it to myself when I leave church on Sundays. If I go at all that is. I feel His presence when I’m there. When I leave though is the test. Life gets to me. Life breaks me down. Some created because my constant worry or my constant need to push myself or rely only on myself or whatever it may be. I walk out of church and it’s like I immediately zone in on the 5 million things that I have to get done when I get home. The list of things that need to get done during the week and so on. And just like that my faithfulness has evaporated. It happens that quick sometimes. I mean in the blink of an eye I feel it all falling in on me. My kids see it. I want them to see something else. I want them to see the spirit of God on me everyday. I know the “life” happens, but I want them to see that HE is life. I want them to see me go to Him when I feel shackled to the everyday. I want them to not see a frazzled mom, but a mom that takes it to God and rolls with it. Anyway, this verse is not lost on me. I see myself in it.

Which leads me to the next verse. Initially this didn’t knock the wind out of me or start a blubbering sob fest. It took a bit of time to percolate before it really got under my skin.

“So he got up and went to his father. ‘But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and he was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” Luke 15:20

This is about the Prodigal son. The sheer joy and break from custom that this father showed when he realized his son had returned is kind of unbelievable. I sat here on my couch re-reading that verse and trying to imagine one of my uncles doing this. Trying to imagine my husband, my Uncle Larry, my Uncle Steve, or even my brother running towards me with pure joy all over their faces. I started laughing out of the ridiculousness of it. I wish I could say it was a small voice or a loud voice or God started texting me, but it was just this quick whisper of a thought ” Can you imagine me doing that for you?”

Can you imagine that? I’m trying. I’m really trying. I feel like there’s a battle going on with what I know. With what I’ve been studying. With what I can feel, and then there’s the other part where I can’t imagine why God would love me so deeply. It’s something still so hard for me to comprehend and yet I know logically he does. Is any of this making sense?

That question is on a loop in my head. Each time I try to picture Christ running towards me. CHRIST RUNNING TOWARDS ME!!!! Even that part is hard for my brain to make into a picture. Then he throws his arms around ME and kisses ME! It’s like a feel a brush of a kiss when I think about it, but it’s not a reality that I can wrap my brain around. But oh how I want to collapse into His arms, and cry a million tears that I cry alone. How I want to fall into his lap, and tell Him I’ve always believed, but sometimes Satan chewed me up and spit me out. Oh How I want Him to know that even when I doubted Him. Even when I was angry with Him that I still believed it’s just I didn’t always keep my eye on the ball.

Reading Hosea – When we run He is in control

So I opened my Bible tonight out of sheer obedience. I can’t say that anything really knocked the wind out of me. Nothing really grasped at my heart and made me “see the light”. Maybe it was the fight I just had with my husband. That’ll knock the wind out of your sails and want to say WHATEVER! Maybe is was my day training for my Post Partum Doula Certification and helping a mama out. Maybe it was my tiredness of washing yet another dish. I’m finally seeing why bachelors just buy paper plates and plastic ware. Even right now with the profound words I just read I’m still half asleep.

Yet I still feel the need to acknowledge that I read the next Chapter in Hosea.

If I could just copy & pastes this whole chapter it would be worth it. It’s about Israel’s sin & Their complete lack of faithfulness to God. Wow! Even right now reading it to (Sadly) refresh my memory of what I read makes my jaw drop. I mean this is beyond ridiculous! Even the priests were like, “Ya I did that & bought the t-shirt”. I mean they weren’t even following God. They weren’t even teaching God. They were doing what they wanted too, and the Israelites were like, ” Well, that Priest over there is doing it so it must be ok”. I mean if a Priest jumped off a bridge would you do it too?

Hosea 4:5
“You stumble day and night,
and the prophets stumble with you.
So I will destroy your mother -“

A complete disregard for God. For the things of God. Sounds like our world today. If I had to be truthful………

If I had to be truthful….. then it sounds like me. I mean really if I had to look deep into my soul. My disregard for God may not be in the way of the Israelites. By no means really. But it’s a disregard nonetheless. With that being said after I finished reading the chapter I than went on to read the little blurb that She Reads Truth has about what was just read. These are the morsels of truth that kind of woke me up to what I was reading. The meaning behind it all.

“The chasm of sin grows wider and we run faster, but our God changes not. He is still sovereign, even as we flee.”

“God does not force Israel to stay, for forcing is not the way of Love.” Forcing is NOT the way of LOVE! Bam! Seriously, BAM! I often and way too often wonder why God just didn’t make us do what he wanted. Why did He give us free will. IN the end it seems like such a tragedy that the world has turned into what it is today. Or even what it was during Hosea’s time. But this little line made it click. I mean what does anyone get out of forcing one to love them? Certainly not love.

The these 4 lines made my heart stir. HE CHERISHES US!
“We are sinful. He is steadfast.
We are fearful. He is faithful.
We are broken. He binds up.
We cherish idols. He cherishes us.”

And then this one is my favorite. I should have this tattooed on my wrist so I see it daily.

“His love and affection toward us do not change, no matter the depth of our sin.”

This one is hard for me to grasp. Think of the things we’ve done to God. Then imagine that someone has done those things to us. Could we still continue to love? Could we still continue to pursue? Could we still continue to cherish? I don’t know. My humanness can’t fathom that.

Reading Hosea – “I will betroth you to me Forever”

So I’ve gotten behind in my reading already. I know I know. Right this very instant I’m catching up, but then my mind started going and I had to get it out my blogging. Of course.

Oh Hosea!!! This guy KNEW he was going to marry a chick who would not be giving sexy time only to him! HE KNEW THIS and he still married her. God told him Gomer is going to tell you you’re the only one, but you won’t be. You’ll be shattered. You’ll be heart broken. You’ll be angry, But….. you’ll forgive her time and again. You’ll take her back. Because you LOVE HER! MIND BLOWN!!! I mean who would do that?? Think about it. Your spouse has done the UNTHINKABLE. Shattered their vows. Basically spit in your face, and after all of that. After all of the heart break, lies, shame, and anger. You place your arms around your spouse and say I FORGIVE YOU!!! I don’t know about you, but I’d be more likely to punch my husband in the face then to forgive and stay with him. At least that’s my initial reaction!!

As I’m reading Chapter 2, yes, like I said I missed a few days. My throat starts to tighten up and I’m trying to hold back the tears. I’m really trying to put myself in that place and then I realize that this is God! That He LOVES me this much! That all those times I’ve “cheated” on Him He still wants me back. He forgives me no matter how much I’ve done to break His heart.

Do you SEE?!?!???! Do you see what Gomer did to Hosea?? She even had children from other men. Such a disgrace & he took her back! God has done this so many times, and I Still struggle with embracing WHO HE IS!! I still can’t believe that anyone much less God could love me unconditionally, and He knows EVERYTHING I’ve done. Everything I think! Even as I type this I’ve taken many breaks to grasp what my heart is beginning to understand. In this moment. Right now. I’m hoping is sticks.


This scripture broke me down. I was reading along. Ready to move on. Ready to read more of the Bible study and BAM! Just like that this verse knocked the wind out of me.
“I will betroth you to me FOREVER” Hosea 2:19

I don’t know what that means to you, but to me it just blew me away. He wants me forever. He Loves me forever. He will fight for me forever. I am Gomer! HE is Hosea!!! And yet HE LOVES ME!!

Reading Hosea

If there is ONE thing I’ve learned as a mother. It’s this: IT.IS.HARD.  This doesn’t mean that it’s not full of love or tender moments or realizing that this is the BEST thing that you’ve ever done. It just means it’s all of that wrapped into one.

Since becoming a mom I’ve realized a few things. I’m a MOM!! I promise you’ll have that moment a few times a day and many times a week. I look at my 4 year old and 16 month old and I kind of have this moment where I realize for the millionth time that I’m in fact a mother to 2 very amazing and adorable little people. Another thing which I’ve stated is that it’s hard. And yet another thing that I’ve found important is raising them for Christ.

I’ve fretted over how I was going to do this. How can I make my kids be like those other little kids that can say verses word for word & know the love of God? How could I be that mom who saturates her kids in God 24/7? I’ve wanted to be those moms. I have failed miserably. I’ve learned that you can tell your kids this & that, but if they don’t see you do it. If they don’t see you live it then they themselves won’t do it. I’m the worst when it comes to reading the Bible. THE. WORST. I will even go as far as saying since having kids it’s been worse than that. Which I never thought possible, but it’s possible. Trust me! I’ll pick it up and start a Bible study only to set it to the side and never finish it. Hello! I have more important things to do like wash the dishes, laundry, change diapers, dust, make appointments, worry about my husband finding a job, worry about the lack of money coming in, worry, worry, worry……………………………….. I come from a long line of worriers and I’m winning!

I’m sort of getting off track here. I struggle daily with a lot of things. Wanting to be a good mom, wife, friend, Christian, person. It’s been a rough year. I’ve struggled with God. Or fought with God. Or went between what’s the point to look at what He’s done for me.  I honestly feel like my kids have seen it. They might now have understood it, but it came out through my crying or yelling or just not trying. In those moments when I’m talking to God or trying to understand why things have happened the way they have  I end up coming back to what I know. God. Christ. What He’s done for me. 

I desperately want to be in love with God. I yearn for it. I feel like I don’t know how to get there. I feel like the walls are in place and because of that my kids can feel it. See it. Hear it. I don’t want my kids to grow up not knowing what God can do, not knowing the LOVE of God simply because I can’t wrap my brain around it. I want to raise them for Christ. I don’t want it to be words in my mouth. I want it to be a reality.
So because of that I thought I would pick up my Bible again. I thought I would open it and see what He has to offer. I went to and figured I would just read whatever they had on tap for this week. Instead I randomly picked a Bible study to study. I’m that person that likes to close her eyes & put my finger on a verse in the Bible in hopes that God will magically speak through that scripture. I’ve landed my finger many a time on those verses that read something like (this is the land of ‘ites) and thought well what am I supposed to get out of this?? Today however I randomly chose one of their studies and I chose Hosea. I wasn’t expecting it to be any special message from God, but I think that it is. And I’ll tell you why.

“If you feel like a mess today, the book of Hosea is for you”. This is me EVERYDAY.

“If you long to love Jesus more, but there are idols towering over your head and heart, the book of Hosea is for you”. I imagine that my constant worrying could very much be an idol. I mean I focus on that much more than I do the Word of God or I don’t know anything else.

“……….and you wonder if He’s walked away, the book of Hosea is for you”. I have felt the void of God for close to a year now. Since the death of my uncle and I’ve had such a hard time getting back to where I think I should be.

Maybe this is what I need. I’m going to finish this study. I hope someone holds me accountable. Maybe through this I can begin to finally see God. See my kids being raised how I want them to. Not because of what I say to them, but because they see me live it. They see me open my Bible. They see me BELIEVE it. Now isn’t that the proof.

We’ll wait and see………………

52 Reasons……..

So Friday night my mom was nice enough to take our little goose for the night so that the hubs and I could go on a date. We ended up going to dinner and seeing The Vow. We liked the movie but liked it even more when we found out it was inspired by true events. So of course being the book worm that I am I immediately jumped on my Kindle Fire to find the book. I found it, bought it, and finished it within the evening. Saturday evening that is. The movie was “inspired” by the book which means that the book was 98% different then the movie. Or is it the movie was 98% different than the book?  Either way it’s an incredible story that really makes you think about the love and commitment between a husband and wife.  So that wonderful story got me thinking about our recent Valentine’s Day.

We had agreed that since our anniversary is the next month why not just spend money to do something fun on our anniversary. After all these years of wedded bliss you’d think that I’d know him well enough to know that this wasn’t really any sort of agreement at all. Now in my defense I did plan on making him something cute that I saw on pinterest, but I’ll tell you about that in a bit.

The Saturday before Valentine’s Day I woke up, walked out into the living room, and found a huge heart ballon, Tulips ( fave flowers), & a grocery bag wrapped gift. I was really shocked! But I thought maybe it was just a box of chocolates so no harm there. The hubs was excited and wanted me to open my gift right away. At this point I’m thinking this better be a box of chocolates cause I hadn’t even started on my homemade gift yet. Well, too my SHOCK & AWE it was not chocolate but a Kindle Fire!!! So I instantly  shrieked, “You said we weren’t doing gifts”! You’d think it would’ve been thank you but you’d be wrong. I was thinking my cute little homemade gift would certainly pale in comparison to what he just surprised me with. So of course I was feeling like the bad wife not realizing I should’ve bought him something to express my undying love to him. I’m sort of the practical one when it comes to things like this. When we agreed no gifts or spending any “real” money I was totally on board. No gifts meant no gifts. My hubs has never been this way and you’d think I would’ve figured it out by now but no so. So I was excited to play with my Kindle Fire  and thanked him for such an amazingly super awesome gift. I quickly purchased a book and began reading.  Meanwhile on the flip side I was in a panic as to what I was going to do for him!! My cute little homemade gift was something I saw and pinned on pinterest. It was gonna be a deck of cards and the 52 Reasons I loved him! Cute,right? Right. Until the Kindle Fire happened. Well, I’m gonna skip all the in between story and tell you that my Deck O’ Love never made it to fruition. So I had to scramble. I did indeed write down 52 reasons why I loved him & then bought him $50 gift Card to Old Navy.

Writing down 52 reasons why I love my husband was one of the best things I’ve done .  I know that life and life and life can get in the way of well…..husband and wife and why they love each other. I’m guilty of finding the reasons why he drives me crazy instead of remembering and finding ways that I love him. So without further ado here are my 52 reasons I love my wonderful husband: (Warning: Some parts may appear to be cheesier then they are)

1.  your cuteness  2.  the way you make me laugh  3.  your loyalty

4.  you’re an amazing father  5.  you make a killer grilled cheese

6.  the fact that you are a total germaphobe  

7.  your knowledge of random useless facts

8.  how positive you are  9.  your love of politics 10.  the way you relate to children

11.  your love of music except country  12.  that you’re a techie

13.  the way you’ve broadened my horizons with  movies, music, & t.v.

14.  your knowledge of comic book characters   15.  that you help around the house

16.  your jokes  17.  that you’re a social butterfly

18.  the way you can zone in on a project and work on it until it’s done

19.  your beautiful blue eyes  20.  that you’re a sticks man ( he’s a drummer)

21.  that Alton Brown/Good Eats inspires you to cook

22.  that you encourage me to follow my dreams

23.  That you work hard everyday so that I can stay home with our son 

24.  the amazing ability to see what you can see creatively

25.  your incredible talent at making up new words 

26. the obsessive way you have to have the sound system symmetrical  

27.  the ability you have at explaining things in terms that people can understand

28.  the way you get irritated when people talk during movies

29.  the way you nudge me when you want your back rubbed  

30.  love your choice in wrapping paper

 31.  that you were totally clueless that I was into you or that I needed a ride home  

32.  that you break out into song anywhere 

33.  that you go to girlie movies with me

34.  that you could literally LIVE ON PIZZA     35.  when you get mad  

36.  your love for wings  37.  you have such a tender loving heart  

38.  when you hug me  39.  your luscious lips  40.  when you play with our son

 41.  that you put up with me 42.  that God brought us together  

43.  good kisser 44.  your short term memory  45.  when you hold my hand

 46.  that you are always up for anything  47.  that you are a Man of God  

48.  that our son has an amazing loving strong man to look up to as he grows up

 49.  that you made me a mommy 

50.  when you put your hand on my back before we fall asleep 

51.  that you are the father to my son

52.  that you will always be there for us no matter what.

I love you with all my heart! You bring me joy and stress. You give me love and anxiety attacks, but I wouldn’t want to ride this roller coaster with anyone else but you.

I’m glad that I did this. In fact, I think that all married couples should do this for there spouse from time to time. Sometimes you need to look at why you fell in love with your spouse and what things you’ve fallen in love with since you’ve been married. I vow that I will add to this list throughout the years and always remember why I fell in love with him. And the next time he decides to put the recyclables on the dryer instead of taking the few extra steps to put them in the recycle bin I’ll pull out my list and remind myself of all the reasons I love my husband.