Reading Hosea – “I will betroth you to me Forever”

So I’ve gotten behind in my reading already. I know I know. Right this very instant I’m catching up, but then my mind started going and I had to get it out my blogging. Of course.

Oh Hosea!!! This guy KNEW he was going to marry a chick who would not be giving sexy time only to him! HE KNEW THIS and he still married her. God told him Gomer is going to tell you you’re the only one, but you won’t be. You’ll be shattered. You’ll be heart broken. You’ll be angry, But….. you’ll forgive her time and again. You’ll take her back. Because you LOVE HER! MIND BLOWN!!! I mean who would do that?? Think about it. Your spouse has done the UNTHINKABLE. Shattered their vows. Basically spit in your face, and after all of that. After all of the heart break, lies, shame, and anger. You place your arms around your spouse and say I FORGIVE YOU!!! I don’t know about you, but I’d be more likely to punch my husband in the face then to forgive and stay with him. At least that’s my initial reaction!!

As I’m reading Chapter 2, yes, like I said I missed a few days. My throat starts to tighten up and I’m trying to hold back the tears. I’m really trying to put myself in that place and then I realize that this is God! That He LOVES me this much! That all those times I’ve “cheated” on Him He still wants me back. He forgives me no matter how much I’ve done to break His heart.

Do you SEE?!?!???! Do you see what Gomer did to Hosea?? She even had children from other men. Such a disgrace & he took her back! God has done this so many times, and I Still struggle with embracing WHO HE IS!! I still can’t believe that anyone much less God could love me unconditionally, and He knows EVERYTHING I’ve done. Everything I think! Even as I type this I’ve taken many breaks to grasp what my heart is beginning to understand. In this moment. Right now. I’m hoping is sticks.

Hosea

This scripture broke me down. I was reading along. Ready to move on. Ready to read more of the Bible study and BAM! Just like that this verse knocked the wind out of me.
“I will betroth you to me FOREVER” Hosea 2:19

I don’t know what that means to you, but to me it just blew me away. He wants me forever. He Loves me forever. He will fight for me forever. I am Gomer! HE is Hosea!!! And yet HE LOVES ME!!

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Reading Hosea

If there is ONE thing I’ve learned as a mother. It’s this: IT.IS.HARD.  This doesn’t mean that it’s not full of love or tender moments or realizing that this is the BEST thing that you’ve ever done. It just means it’s all of that wrapped into one.

Since becoming a mom I’ve realized a few things. I’m a MOM!! I promise you’ll have that moment a few times a day and many times a week. I look at my 4 year old and 16 month old and I kind of have this moment where I realize for the millionth time that I’m in fact a mother to 2 very amazing and adorable little people. Another thing which I’ve stated is that it’s hard. And yet another thing that I’ve found important is raising them for Christ.

I’ve fretted over how I was going to do this. How can I make my kids be like those other little kids that can say verses word for word & know the love of God? How could I be that mom who saturates her kids in God 24/7? I’ve wanted to be those moms. I have failed miserably. I’ve learned that you can tell your kids this & that, but if they don’t see you do it. If they don’t see you live it then they themselves won’t do it. I’m the worst when it comes to reading the Bible. THE. WORST. I will even go as far as saying since having kids it’s been worse than that. Which I never thought possible, but it’s possible. Trust me! I’ll pick it up and start a Bible study only to set it to the side and never finish it. Hello! I have more important things to do like wash the dishes, laundry, change diapers, dust, make appointments, worry about my husband finding a job, worry about the lack of money coming in, worry, worry, worry……………………………….. I come from a long line of worriers and I’m winning!

I’m sort of getting off track here. I struggle daily with a lot of things. Wanting to be a good mom, wife, friend, Christian, person. It’s been a rough year. I’ve struggled with God. Or fought with God. Or went between what’s the point to look at what He’s done for me.  I honestly feel like my kids have seen it. They might now have understood it, but it came out through my crying or yelling or just not trying. In those moments when I’m talking to God or trying to understand why things have happened the way they have  I end up coming back to what I know. God. Christ. What He’s done for me. 

I desperately want to be in love with God. I yearn for it. I feel like I don’t know how to get there. I feel like the walls are in place and because of that my kids can feel it. See it. Hear it. I don’t want my kids to grow up not knowing what God can do, not knowing the LOVE of God simply because I can’t wrap my brain around it. I want to raise them for Christ. I don’t want it to be words in my mouth. I want it to be a reality.
So because of that I thought I would pick up my Bible again. I thought I would open it and see what He has to offer. I went to shereadstruth.com and figured I would just read whatever they had on tap for this week. Instead I randomly picked a Bible study to study. I’m that person that likes to close her eyes & put my finger on a verse in the Bible in hopes that God will magically speak through that scripture. I’ve landed my finger many a time on those verses that read something like (this is the land of ‘ites) and thought well what am I supposed to get out of this?? Today however I randomly chose one of their studies and I chose Hosea. I wasn’t expecting it to be any special message from God, but I think that it is. And I’ll tell you why.

“If you feel like a mess today, the book of Hosea is for you”. This is me EVERYDAY.

“If you long to love Jesus more, but there are idols towering over your head and heart, the book of Hosea is for you”. I imagine that my constant worrying could very much be an idol. I mean I focus on that much more than I do the Word of God or I don’t know anything else.

“……….and you wonder if He’s walked away, the book of Hosea is for you”. I have felt the void of God for close to a year now. Since the death of my uncle and I’ve had such a hard time getting back to where I think I should be.

Maybe this is what I need. I’m going to finish this study. I hope someone holds me accountable. Maybe through this I can begin to finally see God. See my kids being raised how I want them to. Not because of what I say to them, but because they see me live it. They see me open my Bible. They see me BELIEVE it. Now isn’t that the proof.

We’ll wait and see………………

Road trip, wedding week, and family fun Part 2

Well my niece done got herself hitched. It was a beautiful wedding, and she was a beautiful bride. Of course. The venue was the perfect little oasis amongst farm land. I would’ve never known it had existed if not for her wedding.
Shay & Tyler were married in this cute little place called Coolwater Creek in Meridian, ID. It was such a perfect spot for their big day.

We are back from our trip to Idaho, and I still haven’t uploaded any pictures from the wedding or our fun little adventures while we were there.

Here are some of the pictures taken by Alisha Wilkerson Photography. Can’t wait to see the rest.

Alisha Wilkerson Photography

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Of course I couldn’t resist taking multiple pictures of my cute little cowboy. Cassius had the honor of being one of the ring bearers for Shay & Tyler’s wedding. Cash was even more excited to be co-ring bearer with one of his best buds & cousin Gabe.

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Here are a couple pics of the Coolwater Creek

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I’m pretty sure I have the cutest munchkins around

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Here are a few more shots I snapped on my iPhone.

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Road trip, wedding week, & fun with family Part 1

We packed up our stuff and headed out on our 1st road trip in over a year. We were Idaho bound and it was going to be interesting traveling with a 4 yr old & 15 month old. Ordinarily I would’ve scoured Pinterest for travel activities in order for my kids to have educational options rather than slap a movie in the DVD and hit play. This road trip I threw some books in a bag, toys in a travel toy box, and some DVD’s for them to watch. Those items helped us get to our halfway point where we stayed in a hotel. Apparently, hotels are the coolest thing since Disneyland to 4 year olds and 15 month olds. My kiddies were so wound up we didn’t get to sleep until 10ish pm.

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The next morning we quickly realized we were no longer in CA. Although I’m happy to be in cooler weather and away from the ridiculous hot temps CA is experiencing right now.

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The next day we finished our trek to Idaho with some stops along the way & some beautiful scenery.

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Once we arrived we quickly headed to Uncle Tony’s house to see him. Cash loves his Uncle Tony. Talks about him All. The. Time. As soon as he saw him though he got shy. After our visit with Uncle Tony we went and saw another one of Cassius’ fave people. GABE!! 🎶Reunited and it feels so good🎶. You know you’re singing it.

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Tonight was the Wedding rehearsal so the boys got to break in their cowboy boots. What better way to break in your boots then dirt and rocks.

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While they rehearsed many pictures were taken.

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Tomorrow the wedding……..