Since my little goose was sick many weeks ago it’s been quite the transition to get him back in his own bed. I feel 100% better when he sleeps in bed with me when he’s sick just so I can be right there if I need to be. Plus, if he sleeps in his own bed I’d most likely be camped out in his room checking him every 5 seconds to make sure he was ok. Having him in my bed while he’s sick makes it comfortable for all involved. Sort of. The issue afterwards is getting him back in his bed. What tends to happen is we do our typical bedtime routine: brush teeth, put lotion on, change diaper, read story, pray, & then mom crawls into his little toddler bed with him and waits until he falls asleep. Now sometimes I don’t mind this as it gives me time to just relax, but other times I feel like I’m being held hostage in his room. The slightest move and his eyes shoot open and he’s patting the bed saying, “mommy”. In his oh so adorable little voice that is hard to refuse. Then there are other nights where I just leave and then we have a battle on our hands.
I have a bad habit though when I go to lie down with him. I take my addicting iphone with me so that I can waste time until he drifts off to sleep. I often beat myself up with how I waste more time on the dreadful phone then just enjoy the quiet time with my baby. I admit that I do it pretty much all the time. Basically, cause I want him to fall asleep so that I can go back out and continue my 24/7 job as a SAHM. However, last night I set my phone aside and just spent quiet time with my little goose.
In those moments last night I stared in awe at the fact that this little guy is mine. That I was abundantly blessed the day that I found out I was pregnant. That God entrusted me with such a sweet, outgoing, sometimes shy, happy, joyful little boy. He looks just like me so that makes it all the more surreal. Every time I take the time to just be with him I always start tearing up (like I am now). I am just amazed that he is mine. I am amazed at how much LOVE I have for this little goose of mine. He is so precious to me! I cannot imagine my life without him and I can barely remember life before him. He has taken my life and turned it upside down and right side up again. He makes me want to be a better wife, mother, christian, person. He makes me want to learn all the martial arts/fighting styles in the world so that if anyone every hurts him I can fight back. Although Krav Maga seems pretty fierce! He makes me want to discover new things and rediscover the old simply so that I can see it through his eyes. He makes me want to pull out my hair when I am at a loss as to how I can effectively discipline him and get the results I want. He makes hugs and kisses the best part of my day.
So last night as we were lying in his bed he put both his little chubby hands on either side of my face, looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes and said, ” Mommy, I Uv Ew”. I smiled and a little tear slid down my cheek.
I’m notorious for letting it all get to me. I can get wound up quick and worry about it all. But last night when he did that and then continued to hold my face and look at me and say mommy over an over. I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t care that I was being “held hostage” in his room. I didn’t care about all his birthday party details. I didn’t care. I just wanted to stay there with his little chubby fingers on my face and never leave.