Macaroon Mash-up

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So last week I finally decided that NOW was the time to make the delicious macaroons I wrote about before. I also thought that this would be a fun activity for me and my little goose. Hind-sight is 20/20. I’d say if this is your first time making Macaro(o)ns I wouldn’t advise having a toddler help out. Ok scratch that. What I meant to say is if you plan on having the yummy treats turn out as close to the recipe/pictures as possible I wouldn’t suggest doing that with a toddler. Ok scratch that part. There is no way I could make those things perfect on my own much less with a toddler by my side.  But my little goose loves to help mommy in the kitchen and I love it when he does so I didn’t even think about it.

I had intentions of starting a foodie section. Where I attempt to make recipes that would be scrumptious to all. I even took pictures so that I could do a little step-by-step, but as mentioned above things didn’t necessarily turn out as planned. However, there is proof:

This is proof that my macaroons were definitely not like the pictures I was following. Anywho, I’m just gonna say that my sweet adorable son has mad skillz in the kitchen. He LOVES to help me as much as possible. For example, he always wants to make eggs for breakfast, but that doesn’t mean he wants to eat them. He just prefers helping me cook them.

Ok back to the macaroons.  Things were going smoothly.  I was letting him pour and mix the ingredients. We were having a good time.

Then we got to this part of the recipe:

 Ordinarily I would dive in and taste the batter or is it dough? Anyway, I didn’t want him doing it so I didn’t do it. The thing is I often make cookies and he sees me eating the cookie dough so he dove right in and started sampling it. This is where the meltdown began and this is where the macaroons had to “rest” before I could get back to making them.

We had a little time out before we could regain our composure and return to our macaroon making session. Might I also add that this is the very first time ever in my entire life that I’ve ever used a pastry bag. The first time I’ve piped anything ever and sadly it shows.  I realized after the macaroon meltdown that my new task at hand was just to finish making them and hope for the best.

Happy Again

Again I want to say that this cute little guy has mad skillz in the kitchen. We had to make the whipped cream for the filling and he was a pro. I was supervising closley of course. What you won’t see in these pictures is my odd contorted self trying to get good shots of him whipping the cream while making sure nothing goes awry.

Mad Skillz

I will say that during this fun experiment. I think that’s a great word to describe what was going on that day. It wasn’t sunshine and lollipops. I’m pretty sure I broke a sweat trying to make these things while having him help me along with getting frustrated with him not listening and let’s not forget our meltdown.

Picture perfect these were not <insert Yoda voice here >. BUT  OH MY GOSH!!! HELLO!!! They were delicious!!

The best part of all was seeing my little goose enjoy them.

Toddler approved

Chubby hands on my face

Since my little goose was sick many weeks ago it’s been quite the transition to get him back in his own bed. I feel 100% better when he sleeps in bed with me when he’s sick just so I can be right there if I need to be. Plus, if he sleeps in his own bed I’d most likely be camped out in his room checking him every 5 seconds to make sure he was ok. Having him in my bed while he’s sick makes it comfortable for all involved. Sort of. The issue afterwards is getting him back in his bed. What tends to happen is we do our typical bedtime routine: brush teeth, put lotion on, change diaper, read story, pray, & then mom crawls into his little toddler bed with him and waits until he falls asleep.  Now sometimes I don’t mind this as it gives me time to just relax, but other times I feel like I’m being held hostage in his room. The slightest move and his eyes shoot open and he’s patting the bed saying, “mommy”. In his oh so adorable little voice that is hard to refuse.  Then there are other nights where I just leave and then we have a battle on our hands.

I have a bad habit though when I go to lie down with him. I take my addicting iphone with me so that I can waste time until he drifts off to sleep.  I often beat myself up with how I waste more time on the dreadful phone then just enjoy the quiet time with my baby. I admit that I do it pretty much all the time. Basically, cause I want him to fall asleep so that I can go back out and continue my 24/7 job as a SAHM.  However, last night I set my phone aside and just spent quiet time with my little goose.

In those moments last night I stared in awe at the fact that this little guy is mine. That I was abundantly blessed the day that I found out I was pregnant. That God entrusted me with such a sweet, outgoing, sometimes shy, happy, joyful little boy.  He looks just like me so that makes it all the more surreal.  Every time I take the time to just be with him I always start tearing up (like I am now).  I am just amazed that he is mine. I am amazed at how much LOVE I have for this little goose of mine. He is so precious to me! I cannot imagine my life without him and I can barely remember life before him.  He has taken my life and turned it upside down and right side up again. He makes me want to be a better wife, mother, christian, person.  He makes me want to learn all the martial arts/fighting styles in the world so that if anyone every hurts him I can fight back. Although Krav Maga seems pretty fierce!  He makes me want to discover new things and rediscover the old simply so that I can see it through his eyes. He makes me want to pull out my hair when I am at a loss as to how I can effectively discipline him and get the results I want.  He makes hugs and kisses the best part of my day.

So last night as we were lying in his bed he put both his little chubby hands on either side of my face, looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes and said, ” Mommy, I Uv Ew”.  I smiled and a little tear slid down my cheek.

I’m notorious for letting it all get to me. I can get wound up quick and worry about it all. But last night when he did that and then continued to hold my face and look at me and say mommy over an over. I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t care that I was being “held hostage” in his room.  I didn’t care about all his birthday party details. I didn’t care. I just wanted to stay there with his little chubby fingers on my face and never leave.

Encouraging words for Mamas

Ok so a couple of nights ago in my post Comparisons I mentioned the Gypsy Mama and her e-book: The Cheerleader for Tired Moms. I also mentioned that the second post in her e-book was the one that brought me to tears. Ok I’m not talking Oh how touching tears I’m talking full on sobs, but in a good way. I started reading it to the hubs and had to stop every few seconds to wipe away the tears that were falling down my face. Every time I stopped reading I would apologize to my hubby and then say, ” I don’t know why I’m crying so much”.

I don’t know what it was about that post that brought me to tears. Actually I do. As corny as it sounds this little e-book spoke to my soul. It spoke to what we all know happens to moms around the world yet we often times feel completely isolated with the overwhelming beautiful gift of being a mom. So when I read this e-book I immediately wanted to share it with every mommy out there that is feeling the same way and needs some words of encouragement. Words that would let them know that they are not alone. So I e-mailed The Gypsy Mama and asked her if I could share the post that she has in her e-book. Well, guess what!!! She actually e-mailed me back!! I was like Eek!!! Ya totally like Eeekkk! She said I could share it with the world as long as I direct everyone back to the original post. So without further ado I am going to give you a little morsel of it and then you all can go directly to her amazing blog that helps encourage mama’s like myself.

For the Days When You Want To Quit Motherhood

This post is for my little cousin, Bronwen, who’s at the one year mark of motherhood.

And it’s for you.

This post is for those days when “getting over yourself” is the last thing an exhausted, I-can’t-take-it-anymore, run down mother needs to hear.

Can I just take your sweet face between my hands and look into your tired eyes and tell you what you’re doing is exceptional?

Tell you that motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Period. And I’ve worked for the UN on counter human trafficking, for NGOs on the Aids and orphan crisis in South Africa, as well a corporate law firm.

And I still maintain that having the 24/7 responsibility of a child is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. By far.

Being at someone else’s literal beck and call will lay you low. It will rob you of a sense of self that can take time and tears to rediscover in this new identity of mother. Give yourself grace to realize that and to mourn the loss of who you were, before you begin to embrace the who you’re becoming.

There’s the morsel. So please click on the title to go read one of the best posts I’ve read about mommy’s. Us mama’s need to stick together.
Don’t forget to follow her blog so you can get the e-book.

Comparisons

If you’ve read my blog you’ve probably noticed a little trend. That I’m slightly overwhelmed at times or that I feel I should be all and do all. In my defense I think it’s in my gene’s. Like for real. My mom is the same way. I’m always telling her, “MOM!!! Why do you think you have to be all and do all for everyone? You ARE NOT SUPERWOMAN!!!” Then she looks at me and says,”Really? You’re gonna ask me that? Hello!! You are the same way”. To which I reply, “Well, it’s all your fault”.

I am notorious for comparing myself to others. I’ve been doing it since I knew what the word meant probably. Pretty sure it hit overdrive when I became a SAHM. The thing is I know it’s awful to do. I know logically that no one is perfect! Yes I’m stuck in this crazy cycle of thinking that so and so does it better than me. Blah, blah, blah. Even I get tired of hearing myself think this way.

So I read this awesome blog by the Gypsy Mama and she just kinda laid it out there. It’s nice to know that she feels the same way too. It’s nice to know the imperfection of others and that I’m not the only one to compare myself to others. I also subscribed to her blog to get this inspirational e-book: The Cheerleader for Tired Moms. Yes, it’s a must read!! It’s a precious book with all of her most inspirational posts for mommy’s. Just saying if you subscribe to her blog and get the book the second post will bring you to tears. I read it out loud to the hubs and had to take breaks in between reading it cause I couldn’t stop crying. I’m not sure there’s much more to say other than just that.

I could go on and on about the craziness that is comparison, but she says it so well. That it literally robs you of who you are or what you do or how well you do it.

So take a breath, enjoy the moments, make a point to see what you do well, and be thankful that you can’t do it all. Cause if you think you’re tired now imagine your exhaustion if you could do it all.

To Be or Not To Be……Is that the question?

I’ve been a SAHM for almost two years now, and if asked I wouldn’t want to change it. After my son was born or actually before my son was born my hubs told me he wanted me to stay home and raise our son.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Halle….lu…jah”!!!!! Seriously, I’m pretty sure I broke into song when he told me this.

After being married for 4 years and earning a higher income I figured I had paid my dues and I DESERVED to stay home with my sweet baby boy.  Then the worry set in. I was FUH. REAKED! OUT! about how we would possibly survive when I was the one making more money.  I managed to put this thought out of my head and prepared to have our bundle of joy. Two weeks after my son was born he was diagnosed with acid reflux. For those that don’t know about babies with acid reflux it’s no picnic in the park. It’s pretty much a nightmare. With his acid reflux came mountains of doctors appointments, ultrasounds, Upper GI’s, blood work, etc, etc etc……My little goose was poked and prodded more than your average adult due to other medical issues with his acid reflux. He was just a step above failure to thrive.  I was one stressed mommy undoubtedly dealing with post partum depression, a screaming sick baby, and this overwhelming sense of having to go back to work in order to survive financially.  I even plotted my own secret work schedule thinking that my hubs would never know I had actually been working.  It went something like this:  leave little goose with MIL, go to work after hubs, work 6ish hours or so, be home before hubs gets home, and he’ll never know. I’m not joking. This is what I had managed to make sound reasonable to myself.  During Operation Work in Secret my hubs was adamant that I stay home with our son due to his many health issues, and that it would be better for me mentally. Not sure that was the case though.  As my time approached to return to work I could no longer justify returning even in secret. So I called and I quit. Nuff said.

Even with the relief of being a SAHM it wasn’t always sunshine and lollipops as previously mentioned. I struggled with feeling like I wasn’t contributing enough financially. Actually I wasn’t contributing financially at all. Logically, I know the insane amount I contribute to my husband, son, home, even myself by being a stay-at-home-mom. I would be lying if I said that I’m completed by my new position as a SAHM. I still struggle with feeling like I should be doing something more. With that being said I would much rather wake up in the morning to my son shoving a finger in my face saying, “Mommy, boogie”.  Then wake up and drag myself out of bed, get ready for work, take my kid to daycare, and work 8 hours, come home, cook, clean, bedtime for baby, time with husband, and whatever else I can possibly do.  But again I would be lying if I said that I sometimes wish I did more in the grown up world. Even now I’m not sure I’m articulating it properly.

For example, I would like to become a doula. It seems as of late that the journey to get there hasn’t been easy and it’s mostly financial. I’ve had two opportunities to do this and both times the money hasn’t been there to do it. Which has bummed me out and sends me into this questioning state. I also applied for a Volunteer Doula Program thinking that this would jump start me in the right direction. I wasn’t accepted and this is why I am yet again questioning my role in life.

Q & A with myself:

Do I love being a SAHM?  Yes, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Do I feel like I’ve failed in the work department?  Yes, in the since that I never found my “niche” in life.

Do I feel like maybe I’m being ungrateful with the opportunity to stay at home?  Yes, I sometimes battle with myself thinking that maybe God thinks I’m not accepting of the gift He’s given me.  That I should realize that this is my JOB.  That this is my CALLING. And I should just basically come to accept it.

Do I now struggle with moving forward with becoming a Doula?  Yes, I do. I really feel strongly about how doula’s are an integral part in a woman’s labor and wishing that I had one, but I wonder if this is just not meant to be.  But desperately wanting to do it.

Maybe the answer lies in being more social. If I did more things with other mommies and gave myself more time with friends or just me time would I still feel this way?

The Color Run

See the preggo lady in the picture

Saturday was Ah. Mazing!!! The hubs and I ran or rather jogged or perhaps walked our first 5k on Saturday. The Color Run is the happiest 5k in the world. That’s the hook, line, and sinker they give you when deciding if you want to do this fun 5k. Guess what……………. THEY’RE RIGHT!!! We had a blast. We went in pristine and came out covered in paint! There isn’t much more to say than if you haven’t done this you better sign up for the next one in your city! It’s so worth it!

Here are the pics from our fun run. Enjoy!

People in front of us

People behind us

Yellow & orange so far

We got covered!!!

After “party” where everyone throws paint around

We went home to show our little goose how messy we got. He loved it

Mini Vaca for Mommy

Tuesday I had a case of the crazies.  

My little goose had been sick for a little over a week which means we went absolutely NOWHERE except to the doctor’s.  When my hubs walked in the door that evening he could see me foaming at the mouth working myself into a frenzy.  Our eyes connected and he knew without a word being spoken that I needed to GET. OUT!!!  With the crazies steadily taking over I started ranting about something or other. I honestly have no idea what I even said. As I was washing dishes he told me that I needed to get out for a little bit.

My hubs has this incredible ability to convince me to leave. It goes something like this:

Hubs:  Babe, you need to get out of the house. Just take a break for a little bit.

Me: I CANNOT possibly leave this house with all the things I still need to do. ( This is where I begin listing my various tasks that have fallen by the wayside since my little goose has been sick)

Hubs:  You can do that stuff later just take a moment to yourself.

Me:  YOU. DON’T. UNDERSTAND!!  There’s just too much to get done and not enough time to do it in. (As tears start streaming down my face and I’m shaking my hand at him trying to emphasize the Category 5 hurricane that is about to unleash on him)

Hubs: Begins grabbing my purse and keys as he hands them to me and says, “LEAVE”.

How can I resist being kicked out of my own house?  As I drive away I’m kind of giddy with excitement as to where I can possibly go for my mini vacation. I could head to Old Navy. I have a gift card afterall. I could head to Michaels.  I need some more yarn for my current project.  Hmmm….I settle on Barnes & Noble.

Let me tell you it was like Heaven to me. I can’t tell you the last time I set foot into an actual bookstore. I have a Kindle Fire that my hubs bought me for Valentine’s Day so I’ve only had to push a button to buy myself a book. When I walked into Barnes it was like I was coming home. There’s just something about walking into a bookstore and spending my sweet time looking at the books and yes even smelling them.  I walked up and down nearly every aisle of books. It was wonderful!!

I eventually found myself in the cookbook section. I begin to hear this heavenly voice that sounded so familiar and I was trying to remember where I’d  heard it before. As I was following the sound of the voice I looked up and saw this bright heavenly light shining and this is what had been calling to me.

It was The Pioneer Woman and she was speaking to me!!  Not really, but it was magical all the same.  I grabbed that cookbook and hugged it like we were long lost friends. I flipped through it and salivated at all the food I would be cooking and eating and eating and eating.  I also picked up a lovely little cookbook for Macaroons. That’s Macaroons with two o’s.  You say Macaroons. I say Macarons. Sounds the same to me.

My mini vaca lasted about an hour. I returned home refreshed and rejuvenated. I sat down with my new cookbooks and enjoyed the rest of my night.