Inadequacy of being a mom

I know that we feel inadequate in all areas of life, but this particular title is significant to my life now and forever.

So today my friend came across this delightful blog and this post spoke to my heart.

This sweet little post was heaven sent. For reallzzz!! I felt the weight of the world lift when this stranger admitted  her inability to be perfect. Then I wondered why I felt such camaraderie with her.  Logically, I know that there is no perfect mom, but for some reason I don’t realize it enough.

I am thoroughly exhausted on a daily basis.  I have a daily  to do list that never seems to get done. I force myself to get ready make-up and all, most days.  I wish I was a gourmet chef.  I wish I was this super crafty, creative, Martha Stewart-like/Pioneer Woman-like woman who could do everything without skipping a beat.   I wish I were like this friend or that friend. I often wonder where some of those girls get their energy to do the things they do. They probably go to bed before midnight. Note to self: Go to bed before midnight.  I feel like I’m not being the mom I should be for my son. I get so frustrated with myself when I let him watch far too much t.v. then I think he should. I fee like although I’m home with him every day I don’t spend enough time with him.  I feel like I have to be the cook, maid, Administrative assistant, appointment setter, friend, wife, lover, teacher, spiritual leader, Accounts receivable/payable, grocery shopper, and activity coordinator, but on top of all that I’m supposed to spend quality time with God,  my husband, my son, myself, my friends, and my dog I guess.  I’m supposed to keep track of all birthdays, appointments, anniversaries, play dates, etc…… With all these things I tend, too often, it seems to get down on myself. I feel like my house is a never ending mess that I can’t seem to make look acceptable to myself mostly. The only thing I don’t do is work outside the home. Thank you hubs. I honestly don’t know how those working moms do it. I think that I would collapse.

Then I felt like throwing in the towel all together when I discovered pinterest. I was bombarded with all the wonderful ways in which I was able to decorate my house on a dime. How I could keep my toddler occupied if I owned an art supply store. How I could cook dinner in no time with all these delish recipes. All the savvy ways I can be a fashion forward mom if I only did these few simple things, and lets not forget the way I can be eco friendly and make my own organic deodorant , detergent, shampoo, and all-purpose cleaner.

Plus, as I discovered all the ways I can be ALL things I also discovered blogs. Lots and lots and lots of blogs. I would read them and then I’d feel……wait for it…….inadequate. I’d stumble across these blogs written mostly by moms. I would read all these great ideas and wonder how they had time do all of it.  On top of all their mom duties they blogged about it. Oh how the blogging BLEW. MY. MIND! I just couldn’t wrap my brain around how these moms were capable of writing a blog too. Then a few of my friends jumped on the blog train and I think I cried. I’m not sure why this would bring me to tears, but I guess it was just another thing that I thought made me inadequate at being a mom. I know weird, right? How can not blogging make me a bad mom? It was more about how these friends of mine or these random strangers could have it together enough to also write a blog!! Sadly, this put me in a tailspin of not being good enough. Not only as a mom, but just as a person.  My thought was if these women can be stay at home moms or working moms, have kids, do all these things that I do & still manage to blog about all these great ideas for how to occupy your toddler, how to decorate your home, be  a fashionista, start your own business, or whatever I thought I was failing miserably at this whole SAHM thing.

So when a random mom can blog about how she’s just as imperfect and scattered as I am. Well….it just makes the world seem right again.

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Friends Forever

I’m pretty sure that’s a song……..Upon my Google search apparently there was a song by “Vitamin C” called Friends Forever, but that’s not the song that I’m thinking of. Being a church goer I heard this certain Friends Forever song a bazillion times sung by girls in my church. I even have the tune stuck in my head, but I can’t remember anything other than friends forever. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the song either.  Gah! It’s stuck in my head!!!

I have been feeling quite disconnected from the world these past few months. Maybe it’s because we’ve only had one car so I was stuck at home with nowhere to go. Poor me! I’ve desperately wanted some girl time, but like I’ve said no car allows me zero options to run around town visiting my girls. Which of course made me begin to think about friends as the title mentions.

I’ve never been the type of person to have A LOT of friends. I tend to stick with the ones I’ve had forever and I’m happy with that. I’m always open to new friendships in fact I would love some mommy friends or non-mommy friends. I don’t discriminate. I’m an equal opportunity friend.

When I moved to Oregon I was so upset to leave my family and friends. I knew that it would take me awhile to make new ones. Friends that is.  But I did. I have a few great girls back in Oregon that I miss so much since I moved back to Cali. What I loved or love about my girls back in OR is that we made time for each other even if it was once a month. I really really enjoyed my day with my girls. Even if getting ready and driving “so far” was not fun I still loved spending time with them. Being back home in Cali is wonderful! I am so glad I’m back, but I would be lying if I said that a part of me misses Oregon. Ok not Oregon but my friends in Oregon. Maybe it’s because I was gone for so long or maybe this is just how life is, but I feel a slight disconnection from my friends here. I know that I was gone for almost 7 years and life goes on. Things change.  Although I want to just dive in and have girl time I know that life on both ends tends to get hectic.  I know that family is all important and even with an invitation to do something it seems like such a task to just get out of the house.  But I think that friendships are just like any other relationship. Shouldn’t we make time to nurture it?

I always wanted to be the girl with the really close knit friends that couldn’t live without each other. The girls that went to each other for everything. This must be my movie induced fantasy about the bestest friends ever in the world!!! I think I would still love to have that. Making new friends seems just as hard as it did when I was younger. Maybe even more difficult.  I feel like the little girl who gets picked last when it’s time to pick teammates or the little girl who raises  her hand saying “Pick me, Pick me Pick me”!!! It seems more difficult to me anyway because there are women out there that have their friendships established. So when you try to get into that group of best buddies it’s not the easiest thing to do. Or maybe that’s all in my head. Maybe other women perceive me that way. I don’t know.

I will say that I absolutely understand without a doubt the busyness of life. I don’t get upset or frustrated or whatever when someone can’t do this or that. Or call me back or whatever it may be. I know that people forget or are just tired. I guess that’s why texting was invented. For the friend that wants to talk, but doesn’t want to physically move their mouth so instead they move their fingers. Oh the joys of modern technology.  Or maybe modern technology plays a sneaky role in the disconnection from friends in today’s world.  You don’t necessarily have to pick up the phone to talk anymore. You can text or facebook what you want to say without ever hearing a voice. Convenient? Yes. Disconnecting? Possibly. Anyway, I got sidetracked for a bit. I know that life happens and therefore I am not upset when it does. But what I have missed since moving back home is taking time with my friends. I think that there should be date night among friends. After all, we make date night for our husbands or significant others so shouldn’t we extend the same courtesy to our friends? The ones that know the most about us. The ones that we tell things to that we can’t tell our spouses or choose not to. We all need time out from everyday life so why don’t we put time into that?  Why don’t we schedule dates with our friends and keep them?

Maybe I’m just having a pity party.

Pity Party!!! Party of 1.

I miss my girl time. I want my friends to meet me at my house, or half way, or their house, or somewhere. I think it should be a regular thing. Not just occasionally.  Shoot, I’ll even take once a month 🙂

My door is always open.

Random Thoughts

Since I’m not really inspired to write something thought-provoking or witty I thought maybe I’ll just write my random thoughts for the day. This should be interesting.

1. I hate baseboards or floorboards or whatever kinda board you wanna to call it. They are EVIL!!!! I’ll tell you why. Because they must be cleaned. Because when they aren’t clean someone inevitably zone in on them and think you don’t clean your house.   Or maybe that’s just me.

These are not my baseboards. Thank you Jesus! If they were they would put me on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Do you see the nooks and crannies in that thing? NEVER!

2.  I love my dog, but I have decided I wouldn’t mind shaving her bald. Cause guess what……I hate her FUR! It’s everywhere even on those pesky baseboards/floorboards/moldings, etc….

3.  I love Borax!

This stuff is A. MAZ. ING!!

4. I like black bean burgers. Hey when you’re low on funds and food and you have a couple cans of black beans turns out you can make burgers with those little things. Even a toddler will eat it if you slap some cheese on top.

My burgers looked nothing like this, but one day with enough food in the house they just might

5. I’m sorta addicted to celebrity gossip. Ok addicted is a strong word to use here. I would say I’m very interested in the lives of the rich and famous to the point of grabbing my lap top, vegging on the couch, and going through every story about any and all celebrities until I can no longer keep my eyes open. For the record I do this once a week.

6. Speaking of celebrities…….what did Katy Perry see in this guy? Really? I mean what the….

I don’t get it. Looks like he doesn’t either

7. I really do think my little goose is the cutest kid ever! I look at him and I’m like, “Ya, freakin’ cuter then all children everywhere”.

CUTEST KID EVER!

8.  I wanna be like my friend Rachael a.k.a Frugal Faye.   I say this to my hubs often. I also want to be like The Pioneer Woman. Pretty sure I’ve mentioned that before.

Seems I’m all outa thoughts right now. I am exhausted. Dinner must be made. I wish that The Pioneer Woman would materialize in my kitchen and cook us up some delish food. I know that won’t happen.  Those black bean burgers are looking mighty appetizing right about now. Considering I won’t have to do much to cook them.

This has been Random Thoughts  by me!